i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I love having hate sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
