im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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