Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
