$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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