like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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