This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
