We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
