I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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