So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
