i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
