I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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