1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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