What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
