She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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