Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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