the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
