Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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