From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
