i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
