left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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