I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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