my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
