Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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