So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
