i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
