Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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