Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
