I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
