Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
