i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
