If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
