my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
