that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize