yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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