Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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