a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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