I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
