so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So much rum. So many feels.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
