I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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