Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
