he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
