This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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