I CAN MOONWALK!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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