I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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