That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
