found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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