Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
