I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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