I feel like I'm in dance class right now
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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