when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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