Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
