i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
