Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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