i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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