I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
