After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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