It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
