Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is Oprah even human
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
