Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
