You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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