Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
