I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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