Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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