I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We need to get me chipped asap
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
