so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
