Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
