Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
