We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
