just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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