If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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