I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
