If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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