yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
