I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
