So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
