tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
