i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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