speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
