Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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