Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize