I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
