Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize