I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
