so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
