dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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