the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
