Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
