Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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