please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
