I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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