You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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