We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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