I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
