Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
