Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
