wake up i wanna do it froggy style
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
