She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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